10 Things You Should NEVER Do On A Cruise Balcony!

For many cruisers, a balcony is one of the highlights of a holiday at sea, a private spot to soak up the ocean breeze, take in the views, and escape the ship’s busy atmosphere.

But while these spaces can be a real treat, it’s worth remembering a few key tips to keep your time out there safe, enjoyable, and hassle-free.

After many years of cruising and witnessing some truly spectacular stupidity, I’ve compiled this list of balcony don’ts that’ll save you from becoming the next cruise fail story. Some of these might seem obvious, but trust me, if it’s on this list, someone’s done it.

1. Don’t Climb or Lean Over the Balcony Railing

The balcony railing isn’t your personal jungle gym, folks.

Last year on Symphony of the Seas, this guy tried to climb to the balcony above to surprise his girlfriend. Security caught him halfway up, dangling like a drunk Spider-Man. They helicoptered him off the ship. Not exactly the romantic gesture he was going for.

Here’s what people forget – ships move. One rogue wave while you’re hanging over the edge for that perfect selfie, and you’re swimming with the fishes. Literally. And if by some miracle you survive? Every major cruise line will ban you for life.

2. Don’t Smoke on Your Balcony (Yes, This Includes Vaping)

“But I’m outside!”

Still nope. As one redditor on r/Cruise put it perfectly: “The major lines (Holland America, Princess, Carnival, Royal Caribbean, Celebrity) don’t allow smoking on a cabin balcony.” Period. End of story.

Here’s why: Costa Cruises had an actual fire caused by a balcony cigarette. Those ocean winds turn every ember into a potential flamethrower. One flies into someone’s cabin, lands on curtains, and you’ve turned paradise into a fire hazard.

The fine? Minimum $500, but I’ve heard $2,000 plus immediate disembarkation. Want to smoke? Find the designated smoking areas, usually some sad corner of the lido deck.

3. Don’t Leave Kids Unattended on the Balcony

True story from the Norwegian Gem: Kid drops his dad’s iPhone overboard. Dad tries to blame the cruise line because the railings weren’t “child-proof.”

Buddy, it’s a ship, not a daycare.

Kids throw everything overboard. I’ve witnessed toys, shoes, books, and one memorable tantrum where a kid launched his sister’s stuffed animal into the Atlantic.

But here’s where it gets serious – children supervision on balconies isn’t optional. Kids climb everything. Mix that with a railing and ocean below? That’s every parent’s worst nightmare waiting to happen.

4. Don’t Get Intimate or Nude on Your Balcony

Your balcony feels private. It’s not.

Those dividers between balconies? They’re basically decorative. Your neighbors can hear and see way more than you think. And those dark dome things in the corners? Security cameras. Yeah, someone’s watching.

Best story from a security friend: Couple getting busy didn’t realize they’d docked. Next to another cruise ship. During dinner time. They basically gave a live show to 200 people eating at the buffet on the neighboring ship. Got a standing ovation and everything.

Keep the romance inside. Curtains closed. Please. Nobody wants to explain to Guest Services why security knocked on their door mid-act.

5. Don’t Throw Anything Overboard

Every single thing you toss – cigarette butts, food scraps, that terrible book you brought, even toilet paper – it’s illegal.

Ocean pollution isn’t just bad karma; it’s tracked and reported. Ships have security cameras everywhere recording 24/7.

The marine life doesn’t want your leftovers. Neither does Royal Caribbean’s rules committee.

6. Don’t Make Excessive Noise

You might want to kick back on your balcony and catch up on your favourite videos or movies, but remember — your neighbours don’t want a front-row seat to your entertainment.

One cruiser shared a particularly bizarre experience on Reddit: they’d stepped outside to enjoy some peace and ocean views, only to be serenaded by their neighbour’s tablet blaring a very niche “fart fetish” video, complete with hysterical laughter and zero headphones.

The moral of the story? Use headphones. And honestly, maybe save certain viewing choices for inside your cabin, balconies aren’t as private as you think, and people above can often see down. Even with music, it’s courteous to keep it to yourself… because not everyone’s a Swiftie.

7. Don’t Feed Birds or Wildlife

Those seagulls following the ship aren’t your friends.

Feed one, and suddenly you’re living in a Hitchcock movie. They’ll camp on your balcony, poop everywhere, and steal your room service breakfast. Saw a woman lose an entire sandwich to a seagull once.

Feeding wildlife messes with their natural behavior and can harm them. Plus, it violates most cruise lines’ environmental reasons and policies.

8. Don’t Hang Clothes or Towels on Your Balcony

Your wet swimsuit needs to dry. I get it. The balcony seems logical. It’s not.

Balcony winds are crazy unpredictable. That bikini you carefully draped? It’s now decorating the captain’s bridge. Or wrapped around some poor soul’s face at the pool deck. Princess Cruises told me about a passenger who lost his entire wardrobe this way. Had to buy overpriced cruise shop clothes for the rest of the trip.

Use the shower. Use the laundry services. Ask your steward for help. Just stop turning your balcony into a clothesline.

9. Don’t Try to Fish or Grill

Yes, people have tried both.

Guy on Oceania Cruises brought an actual fishing rod, tried to fish off his balcony. Security shut that down fast. Another genius smuggled a portable grill onboard because he wanted “fresh grilled fish.” On a wooden deck. Surrounded by other wooden decks.

The stupidity is breathtaking.

10. Don’t Climb Between Balconies

Every cruise has that one drunk person who thinks they can parkour between balconies.

They can’t.

Best case? Security spots you, detains you, and you’re escorted off at the next port. Worst case? You become the infamous cautionary tale that cruise directors work into future muster drills — “And this is why we don’t climb between balconies, folks…”

The Bottom Line

Your cruise ship balcony is supposed to be your happy place. Ocean views, dolphins, breakfast in your PJs, it’s literally what you paid extra for.

Don’t ruin it by doing something monumentally stupid. These rules exist because someone, somewhere, already tried it and failed spectacularly. Every sign, every warning, every fine – it’s because Steve from Deck 7 thought the rules didn’t apply to him.

The cruise etiquette is simple: Don’t die, don’t kill others, don’t be the person everyone’s talking about at dinner for all the wrong reasons. Use common sense. Keep your clothes on in public view. Don’t start fires. Don’t throw things. Don’t disturb others.

Follow these basic rules and you’ll have an amazing time. Break them and you’ll be explaining to your friends why you got helicoptered off a cruise ship with nothing but a massive fine and a lifetime ban.

The ocean’s beautiful. Enjoy it responsibly.

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